I should have written this at the beginning of the week, just after we celebrated Julismas, and if I have written about it - apologies - the cold is freezing my brain cells.
A group of us decided we were going to have a mini christmas in July. We put up the tree and lights. We bought little gifts (from one of those crazy chinese stores - R20 was the budget) Each person bought something to eat and we doned on our christmas hats.
Delimma in the form of food. What do I do? Do I sit out totally and make my own food? Do I partake? If I partake how do I balance it out?
I decided I would partake in the foodies, but in absolute moderation. I had a little bit of pork, a little bit of roast chicken, 1 table spoon of carrots, 1 table spoon cauliflower with a tiny lick of cheese sauce and 2 table spoons potatoe bake - please note these were not heaped spoons. I savored every bite slowly. I didn't have anything else to drink but my water, soda water or strong thermojetics tea. I also refused desert. I was greatly satisfied and though my eyes wanted to eat more, I listend to my tummy - it was satisfied and I was happy. This was a rich meal for me and I payed for it. I battled with cramps that night!!! Come Sunday it was back to the usual usual and life moves on. This little test proves that I can keep my cool around delicious foods and that I don't have to pig out on them. It's a great lesson in self control, I have the power not the food.
Had my now weekly weigh in. I can tell you that I get so nervous, I'm worried somehow t that the numbers on the scale won't move or god forbid go up. I breathed a sigh of relief when I dropped another 1.9kg this week bringing the total to 39.3kg. My viscal fat (stomach fat) also dropped a whole point from 16 to 15. My metabolic age remains high at 50 - working on getting that down to 18 *wink* My body fat dropped too which is fab and less flab. The scale I weigh on sends electronic pulses through your body and thus can give you all sorts of readings, % fat, % water, % muscle, % bone etc and then converts those to kg - FANTASTIC - very 22nd century.
My coastal city has been caught in an icey grip these past few days, snowing a mere 2 hours or less drive from here. Having less blubber, this shriking whale has been freezing! FREEZING MMMMY ASS OFF!!!! I mean that literally - more calories are burnt when your body shivers as it trys to keep warm, sometimes I can prance (using that broadly) around with a short sleeve shirt, my goosebumps visible from space, but most times I'm trying to stay as warm as I possibley can and like I said with 39.3kg less blubber to insulate me I'm putting on layers and go to bed with 2, yes 2 hot water bottles. BUT I hope the weather remains freezing so that I can go and see snow! I'll have to give you an update on that come Monday.
I do feel as this weight moves that my life is shifting. I know for one that I am going to put myself first with certain decisions, in certain areas, so that my goal is fully realised. It is my time now and I have to grab it and use it wisely. I do wonder if this journey will change my life in terms of career or finding a life partner. As I've mentioned I want to help/inspire others to battle their bulge, make it affordable, motivate them, write my book. I do feel a shift in that direction. Once I am the product of my success, beware world, you are my oyster.
I want to add in here - I hate insurance companies - I always feel ripped off somehow and sullied by them. A little off topic but bare with me. My car insurance upped my premium by 14.5 % and then try sell me some shit about why - all said shit is based on presumption - which I duely told them. I shall shop for new car insurance next week. I added that in because even something small like this can lead me down the path to a cheat - yeah believe it or not. Why you ask - simply put: it's linked to emotions. Frustration builds, want to have your fix, remember my preferred drug of choice is FOOD - so lemme grab something fattening and delicious to numb the frustration, except now of course I can't/won't do that. I got to face it and deal with it. Hopefully I will save some money next week.
Uncle Brian Update: He was moved to Hospice on Monday the 25th of July. He can't cope all that well being bed ridden. Think about it, every movement is painful, you're on your back 24/7, you even have to eat lying down, you have to clean yourself and you have to deal with not only a catheta but a stoma bag too and there is no one but your dear old trogen of a mother to help. He was welcomed to hospice, even though he was not on his "deathbed" (that is usually when they take patients in) He was helped into his room and settled in beautifully. The doctors & nurses were absolutely astounded at how my uncle has been treated - it has been disgusting, without dignity, that it makes your heart break. Now my uncle was being treated with care and concern, it truly warms my familys heart to have that kind of treatment for him now. Hospice have taken marvelous care of him. They have increased his morphine to manage the pain better, they feed him 3 healthy meals, they bath him. There are even 2 cats that visit - I love puuurtties (you got to purr as you say that) Very very comforting. He will stay there for at least 2 weeks (we hope) In the meantime we will sort his room out at home and try make it more accommodating to his needs.
I went to go visit him last night. It still breaks my heart because I remember how strong he was. He was a big man, and when I see him skinny, frail and in pain, it hurts in the core of my being. He was in great spirits and we chatted nicely. He again praised me for the weight I lost and said that I would show all those that have spoken nastily about me - and there have been a lot that have been nasty about my weight. Sure point out the obvious - hell it's there for the world to see - but to be nasty and malicious about it - ja that shows the character of a person. He is so proud of me - again, every ounce I have lost is thanks to my uncle, all dedicated to him. Thank you for inspiring me. Thank you for believing in me. Thank you thank you thank you. You have given me the greatest gift.
And so I leave it here. To all a good weekend.
Health is wealth.
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