Digging My Heels In!

By the time I got to the grocery store (yesturday) to buy a few more veggies and protein I was so frustrated.  It could have something to do with the heat and that I only have african air con (an open window).  I was irritated as I walked up and down the aisles.  The variety of fruit and veg on offer did not please me.  I wanted fresh brussel sprouts and there were non.  Come on people of the grocerty store, I need variety, I am on diet and need you to provide what I want!!!  Of course everything that I wasn't allowed was readily available and looking oh so very appealing.  The thought did not cross my mind to cheat though, and that is a break through.  No one knows what an overweight person goes through when they are on a a mission to lose weight.  Every day that you succeed is truly a huge milestone.  The warring that goes on inside and the self-frustration play major mind games with you....That is when you have to dig your heels in even more and say with conviction "NO - it's not worth it to give up"!

I made my way around the store and got what I needed.  I added in a diet fanta.  When I got into my car (scowled at a few idjits along the way), I cracked open that diet fanta like it was a beer, had a cooling, satisfying glug and lifted the can in salute.  I made it through the grocery store and pretty much had kept sane.

I'm on day 11 and I have been 100%. I'm half way to creating a healthy habit.  "They" say it takes 21 days to make a habit, so I'm getting there.  10 More days and then this should start being a breeze.  Look, it's not like I'm wanting to eat everything in sight and in all honesty I don't have cravings.  It's the frustration I have with myself.  All the why's start cropping up.  Why did I let myself get like this.  Why didn't I have the conviction before. Why me. Why can't I just pop a pill. Why does it have to be so hard.  Deeeeeeeeeeeeep breath in - draw in the positive....let out all the negative.  Then I remind myself that what matters is now, this moment, and in this moment I am rectifying the problem.  I am losing weight, I am eating healthy, I am positive, I am hungrey *wink*.  So I take refuge in living in the now.


I cannot believe April is already upon us.  The month of easter: damn those toasted hot cross buns with real butter smeared over them, damn the easter eggs.  It is also the month of the death and resurrection of Christ (if you follow a christian belief) and my birthday.  So how does this all effect me.  Today my boss brought in those hot cross buns and they were there for easy pickings.  I didn't even get up to inspect them, just stood far away so that the smell couldn't reach me. Check.  Christ - a fantastic being.  I don't follow the norm on this front.  I like to look at Christ and see how I can apply Christ in my life - thus I take a more spiritual view on these matters, but for a literal view: the death of old fat Lou and the rise of a healthier, slimmer Lou - it won't take 3 days but it will be complete in it's due time. Check.  I'm turning a whole 35 years - wow!  35 Single, no dependents, no property.  Society dictates that by my age I should have been married, have 2.5 kids and own properties and be well on my way.  Ja, I missed that boat alright.  So what does this year hold out for me.  I definately do not feel old, I do not feel the burdons of society, I have sooo much to look forward too:  Adventure, travel, a change in career...who knows.  At 35 I feel I have a good grasp on the world around me. I am not iffy, nor do I let mundane, trivial things bother me.  I am my own person and I love who I am. Check check.

It is on that note that I shall welcome the weekend.  A challenge, but one that I willingly embrace and one that I already know that I will conquer.  Come Monday it will be a whole 2 weeks. Be well.