Ugly Honesty.

I mentioned that at the end of my blog the other day.  Ugly honesty and ugly truth - ugly because sometimes when you search the very depths of your being you find things there that simply are not nice ... and they have to do with you.  Facing that ugliness takes strength, honesty, resolve and muchness.  (For interests sake the deepest part of your physical body is your kidneys - the place you are cleansed of toxins) 

As I walk my weight loss journey, I'm finding out it's not just about weight loss.  It's about my lifes' journey, mistakes I can learn from, new pearls of wisdom to find and use, all in all, to achieve my personal nivana and live my best life - a term thrown around by Oprah, but really, I do want to live my best life.

I have pondered these 2 nights about my ugly truths.  Some of course have to do with my weight problem, some have to do with work, some with love and even, and this is the hard one to admit to, my ill uncle! I will lay my ugliness here because I have nothing to hide anymore.  I have been hard with him at times, when I went to clean up his room the other day and he couldn't get up, I believed he was being difficult and thought "he has gotten up and moved so many other times before, why not now, I'm trying to help him".  I have complained about him at times, or moaned about driving out and seeing him.  Ugly - yes!  My uncle is dying, who the bloody hell am I to judge this man!  He is riddled with pain that I cannot even fathom, who the bloody hell am I to tell him to get up and move!  He has got nothing to look forward too in life, why the hell am I not visiting him more often to help brighten up his day!!!!!  I am so grateful I uncovered this ugliness about me and have been honest about it with myself.

I can do something to rectify it too. If that was me lying in bed dying, how would I like to be treated.  I do love my uncle and I will only serve to help him in ways that he needs from now on.  It's not too much effort to visit every second night, regardless of extra effort and petrol - he is worth it.  It's not too much effort to gather a few photos of my brother playing football, he wishes he could be there for real.  It's not too much effort visiting and distracting his attention from the pain, he treasures those moments.

So off I went last night.  I got him a few treats, packed the photo loaded laptop and went to visit.  I went in an uplifted state and with the hope of giving my uncle a bit of encouragement.  We chatted for 2 hours or so.  He congratulated me on my weightloss so far and told me with absolute wonderment on his face that I am beautiful and that I'm going to only be more so when I reach my goal.  He held his hand up in a victory salute and said he knew I could do it.  I went there to encourage him and lift his spirits and he did the very same thing for me.  As he told me to leave (jokingly) I hoped that he would get some rest, I realised just how important those visits are.  I know nothing, absolutely nothing with get me off this weight loss path.  Every kg lost is in dedication of my uncle.

Yeah, facing that particular ugly was painful, but in doing it with an open heart and with honesty, I could rectify it and change.

To others, no matter your vice you are trying to give up, stay the course.  Don't fall off, or if you do, get back on quickly and continue, you will only have yourself to blame if you fail again.  The vice is not important, your life and well being are.

Yours in health.