Staaaaallll

I have to admit I'm just not in the right headspace again.  At the forefront of it all is my uncle - he has got only a little while lift on this earth, his days are drawing to a close and though I have prepared myself as much as I can mentally and spiritually it's still exceptionally hard.  I wonder what goes through his mind, if he is still lucid, if he knows what is going on, if he knows his family truly and dearly loves him and that we want him to be pain free.  He was my inspiration to start this journey, that inspiration (in it's tangible physical form at least) will be departing soon.

At the back of my mind is the whole cat incident.  The woman in question of the demon cat is not taking my calls, emails and smses.  This whole thing has cost me R2500 out of my own pocket.  Though she has communicated once (at my insistant prompting) that she would pay....nothing has come through.  It is a tedious, but little worry at the back of my mind and I don't particularly want to go to small claims court, but will take it there if she doesn't pay those medical bills.  So that is always at the back of my mind.  Sometimes people just annoy me because of the lack of humanity, their lack of responsibily etc.

The above 2 things have really just pushed me off track, because I have allowed it, yes, and because I just can't concentrate on weighing things and the extra effort.  I know I've got to get my head around this soon otherwise I'll start picking up weight again - I don't want that.  I can't focus 100% like before, I get it right for a couple of days and then lose it.  I'm not feeling as bad as I did when I threw the cheese and really had a sickening breakdown of snot and tears, but I'm not happy about it either.  I know though that I won't give up.  I know that focus I had will come back to me and give me the oomph I need to continue. There are too many people that are rooting me on for me to fail.  I don't want to disappoint myself or them.

I also realised that I just don't like getting weighed every week.  I'd rather be weighed once a month or even once every three months - helps me keep my focus.  I'd rather not know what I'm losing each week, so that I can keep to that high strict standard.  Got to figure out how to make the weight loss challenge people understand that.  It's my journey and I should be able tweak how and what I want to give me the best results.

I haven't even done an update on my pics yet.  I will get to that too.  I feel like I should have one of them flashing signs reading "I am experiencing technical problems, please be patient." :)

I won't give up, I will weather this storm better than in the past and I will be back on track 100% again.  This I promise to myself and to you.

Stay well, stay strong and be healthy.
Health is wealth.