This past week I have been frustrated with finance - future finances that is. I have been thwaked for a six when it comes to work: it amazes me how some bosses think they are the be all and end all, the comander in chief - even when there are the "big shots" above them. I have been pulled down by family stress. This all of course affects my mood, my emotions, which in turn affect my diet.
I fell off the rails this past week. I turned back into the emotional eater I was, not as bad as before, but I knew it for what it was. I knew I was trying to numb myself, to push things to the back of my mind and not face them head on. I felt out of control, felt lost, alone, and very much unhappy.
I spoke it out as much as I could and have had to pull myself back into the "be aware" frame of mind, concentrate on the now and what is happening in that moment. That I can still have control over. That thought stilled the madness - mostly.
So what have I decided? Finance - This is a future financial 'worry'. I want to have an operation that will cut away excess skin and fix boob deflation. The cost is substantial and at the moment I'm getting into a good financial situtation - in that my debts are getting paid off. However with this op, I'll be back where I started. My decision on this is to save what I can, continue to lose weight and to train. Once I'm ready for the op, make decisions then based on that time frame. Work: I can control myself. I cannot control my boss, I do not expect the bosses attitude to change, continue to work my time in and do my best in that time. To put my feelers out there and go for interviews and see what comes of it. Family: hmm family is always tricky even when all the members are healthy and communicating openly. Having a sick member of the family is taxing, when communication isn't that clear or open, all this can start taking it's toll. Feelings of appreciation or lack of appreciation, you get told one thing, hear another and at the end of it all don't know head or tale about what is going on. Diet: Pull myself towards myself and get back on track. As of today I will make sure that I am prepared. I came to a major realisation last night that this next phase is me. The first phase was promted because my uncle was ill and though that got me on my journey, isn't enough to sustain me. Now it's me. Now I have to want this badly for myself and I do. I don't want to be fat for the rest of my life. I have to go back to living each day 100%, but living for that day and not for tomorrow. I have to carry on walking this path, so that it leads me to a healthy, happier future. My now determines my future.
That is where I am at today. A healthier place than I was yesturday.
I do want to be healthy today, tomorrow and for the rest of my days.
Join me if you haven't started your healthy journey - we can encourage each other.
Health is wealth.
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