Wild Rollercoaster Ride!

I really don't know how much of this emotional ride I can take.  I change like 4 seasons in one day.  Yesturday I was strong as ox, the world was my oyster I was focused, I was walking, I was positive and in charge. This morning I woke up shivering, depressed, burst into tears, had the uncontrollable urge to eat, wanted to crawl under my covers and give up. I literally pulled the covers over my head and balled my eyes out.

This is playing absolute havoc with my physce (sp) I feel that I'm going insane and I'm aware of it.  Ah to fall asleep and wake up in 5 months time and be done with this weightloss.  It's so fustrating not knowing where my emotions are going to be at. I have never been on a more up and down journey in my life.  Words cannot truly get to the core of how I feel.  If I try describe it, I'll sound loony......because while the moods are swinging like tarzaan, my body is restless, I'm feeling itchy, like I've got a bazillion ants patrolling the inners of my being - not pleasant at all.

I know so many of you will tell me to stay positive and be strong, trust me, I tell myself that every day.  Sometimes it works, other times it means sweat blow all and no amount of positive talk is going to sink it.  My mind is making me suffer.  I know that there is no reason to suffer, I'm getting good healthy food into my body, I'm doing my body a fantastic service by feeding it with healthy foods, but it's because I can't have my own way and that is my suffering.  One thing I can say is "at least I am aware of that".  The suffering is in my mind, but boy oh boy hmmmm eish the mind is a strong thing.

I had no choice but to pull myself out of bed, get ready for work and face the day.  I analysed the thoughts in my mind from a distance.  Breathed in huge amounts of air to force me relax and calm down.  Once I had calmed down, I was okay again. 

This is not only a very natural journey as in I'm physically losing weight and my actual body is changing.  This is also a deeply spiritual and transcendial journey for me.  It's forcing me to be very aware of my thoughts and the power they hold.  Forcing me to be conscious of now.  Forcing me to see my ego and deal with it.

I want this so much that I'm choosing to stay on this rollercoaster ride.  God help my sanity.

Health is wealth and mental peace of mind.