It's difficult...

It's very difficult to stay in a positive frame of mind when you are brought down in other aspects of your life - mine at the moment is work. That pushes stress up, unhappiness can creep in and of course food hangs itself in fron t of you like a freaking carrot.  I'm literally gritting my teeth to stay 100% this week.  There are times I feel like I just want to give up, walk out on my job, on the diet and resign myself to a life of whatever.

I am reading books about letting go of the ego, of making peace and being at peace.  It's difficult.  For me all this just makes me want to eat eat eat.  I'm in a struggle of keeping my mind body and soul focused.

I also wonder why when the chips are down something else comes around to give you a kick in the stomach - just for good measure.  Light my candle, focus, come back to the now (though that is a 'problem' in itself, I don't want to be where I am now.....don't know how to solve that one).

**insert huge huge sigh and shake of my head** I want things to be simple.  I don't want accolades and fame and glory, I just want .... okay, pause a momet.  In these 2 lines and including this one I've used *I* 5 times.  Time to stop and just let it go. As humans we attached worth to *I*, *me* mine* and define ourselves by it "what do people think of me? why don't they value my opinion? Don't touch what is mine? etc and 9 times out of 10 measure/define ourselves up against that.  I am not sure if this is what is happening in my current work situation but I am aware of it.

Back to my diet.  I started taibo on Monday night and my leg muscles, especially my thighs, are still sore!  I was hoping to do another session on Thursday but at this rate won't be able to keep up. In between I am walking - it's great to keep the legs warm and work those muscles.  Eventually it would be great to work up to 3 workouts a week.

Taking the work situation out of the picture I am feeling pretty good.  I've been 100% on the program so far this week and can feel the changes already.  I may be boardering on the obsessive in my desire to succeed.  I have too.  I will not/cannot accept failure.  I keep reminding myself of where I was, where do I want to be, this could help me break free of work bonds. At the same time I don't want to put too much pressure on myself because then I beat myself up mentally.  One day, baby steps **deep breath**

My desire to succeed outweighs everything else right now.

Health is wealth.