Disappointment = emotional eating.

As some of you know I haven't had the smoothest sailing since the beginning of 2012.  There were some very rough months, I ate most of the weight I lost back, there were days I didn't think I would make it, there were dark days where I thought and wanted to end my life.

During that time I was fortunate that I at least got some temp work to fill some days and to clear the cobwebs.  I had registered with a few recruitment agencies and they are all the same, they treat you like a number, give timed tests in very awkward sitting positions.  Eventually though a tele-sales position became available and I got the job.  I was to start in December and waited and waited for confirmation, a letter of appointment or even a contract - I never got......until mid December, the company only wanted me to start on the 7th of Jan 2013.

Eventually I start.........needless to say they were not ready for me and I sat around twiddling my thumbs, no one interacted with me.  I kinda got going and by that I mean I got a desk with a computer, then it was a waiting game and it was going to be phoning a whole host of people to cold canvas for a product.  The people here are complainers, gross (an old man making wanking sounds and then moaning) and plain unfriendly.

Then came news that the company I did temp work for in 2012 were looking for an Ad Support person - I was so stoked because I knew this was my forte', my passion.  I had worked for these people, they knew the level of commitment I brought to the table.  I contacted the manager and the recruitment agency letting them know I would avail myself and that I would love to be considered.  There was some very positive feedback.

Meanwhile my anxiety was growing with the new job, they short paid me on pay day and I had to go investigate what happened.  That eventually got sorted.

Today I thought I would do a follow up with the recruitment agency and got such disappointing news.  They would not even be sending my CV through because they wanted to fill it with an AA candidate.  Crushing!  I know I am not my job, but you have to be at least happy some of the time you are there. That's not too much to ask is it

This type of disappointment just blows away all my defences against food.  I want to turn to food to eat the hurt away, to fill another void, to numb my pain, to give me a food high.

Some people think " just push through, you're making money " No I'm not making money.  I make enough that covers my expenses.  I earn less than what I was earning 10 years ago when I started as a junior at Caxton's.

Anyway I guess I just have to suck it up and when I type that the tears fall because I really really just don't know that I can.  I hate it.