Whew! I don't really know where to start. It's been a tough couple of months. I've been hit with events that are draining not only my spirt/soul, energy, positive state of mind, but also my finances. It's been one thing after another:
Cat bite - R2500 (besides times wastage trying to get the woman to even talk to me) The cat lady still refuses to pay anything. She did make one payment of R200 and that was it. I have now served her with a letter of demand.
Flat break in and stolen car - I'm looking at about R4500 in all to change the locks on the front door, change the car locks and alarm. Plus I have had to get a new car licence, got a fine because I don't have a licence (do have an affidavid - but left that at my mum's place) I have to replace my drivers licence and get a temporary one, have to buy a new spare rim and tyre and replace jumper leads and jack.
Resigned from my job - I cannot put any information here just yet so far as to say I'm not happy an had to make a decision. My last day is the 15th of December.
Then there have been things like leaving my car lights on so that my battery is flat in the middle of the rain. It's too much to bare. Getting a fine and though I explained to the officer the whole situation, he couldn't care less - plus it's known that the traffic cops are working for their christmas bonus. This is the only time they are ever out in full force - where are the cops when acutual crime takes place?? When these kind of things happen now I just feel so very beaten down and it knocks me back 5 or 6 steps and I find that I have to claw my way back to get back to feeling normal - I don't want that to be my life - struggle struggle struggle. What kind of life is that and is that life even worth living then?
Included in all of this are huge insecurities about me and my weight issue and I'm finding it so very difficult to get back on track. No matter how much I tell myself food won't help, I have turned to it for comfort. I can't carry on for various reasons - no one will want to hire me for one!!! A big reason too! People do tend to judge your potential based on the outter appearance - which is so fickle - so many people may look like 'nothing' but blow you away. Potential clients may not want to deal with a fatty. I do have more than 6 weeks to whip my butt into literal shape before I start a new phase in my life (I'll share more info later one).
Yeah I'm feeling a bit low. Yeah I'm not that strong mentally right now. Yeah little things push me back and I have had horrible suicidal thoughts - serious thoughts....BUT I got to give it go. I got to live this life, I've got to keep on trying. I've never failed at anything in my life! I'm not about to start now. Though the mountain ahead is massive, I've got to put one foot in front of the other, put my head down and climb!
If you know me personally - encourage me with a sms, a mail, a little love, healing words/thoughts/prayers. If you only know me via facebook, my blog, JWN - the same would be appreciated. That is all I ask - a little help in the form of encouragement to keep on at it.
Thank you to my precious mum who has still been such a rock for me in this shakey time.
Lou
No comments:
Post a Comment