Day 3.

I've reached day three, just now it will be 7, then 14 then 21 - habit formed :) The goal is to maintain this for at least 6 months.  I am happy about this little milestone.

My joy though is robbed by friday the 13th blues.  Yup!  First up, as you'll know I'm temping, now the agency I go through didn't read my timesheet properly so today I sit with less money paid to me than what I should get. Now it's a whole issue for them to pay it through.....NO ONE BOTHERS TO FOLLOW UP!

Next up, I requested to meet with the sale manager of another local newspaper and asked if I could meet with her and discuss the possibilty of me temping for their staff.  She mentioned they have an advertising admin position available, but because I havehave an aunt that works there she would have to check the nepotism laws.  This aunt can in no way swing the favor in my direction as she is not in a senior position....that was 10 days ago.  I take the innitiative and follow up asking if I could then apply for that position IF it was allowed.  The response was that she hadn't checked with the Human Resources yet and that I cannot apply for a position that hasn't been advertised yet........**eyeroll**

These kind of things set me on edge - all I want to do is comfort myself with food.  I've just gotten myelf out of a hole and don't want to get back into it.  My mental state just keeps getting tested over and over and over again.  I just can't let it fall to pieces and have to try my best.  Jesus it's hard.

Next option is to apply for a job in Pretoria - an advertising sales position has come up. I don't really want to move to Pretoria, but right now I don't see that I have too much of a choice.  May just have to suck it up and go.

At least I celebrate day 3.

Cold Turkey

And that is not referring to actual cold turkey - which, if done correctly and with the right seasoning is delicious.

Cold turkey here means just doing it without easing yourself into it.  That is how I have to approach any diet.  I can't still have the coffee with milk and sugar, otherwise it will lead me down the path to a muffin that begs "eat me".  That means today is black coffee and since there is no sweetner around...bitter black coffee.  It's like drinking tequilla really, *sip* pull face, shiver inside and go in again.

This morning was a rush. I've been out of practise preparing my food that I nearly burnt my rashions.  I didn't have time to wolf down yoghurt so bought one at work - it wasn't plain but it was low fat.  I bought, what looking like a delicious juicy orange, but that turned into dry sour disappointment - I ate it though!  Eating an orange for me it quite an ordeal.  Peel it, plith it and then pull the capsules apart and eat the cells only.  I don't like the capsule if you will. Only the goodies inside, and as mentioned that was a let down.

Since I still have some canned goods and soya in my cupboard that I don't want to go to waste - stuff like chickepeas, beans, lentils, soya.  All very high in protein and low in fat. This means there will be many days that I'll be eating purely as a vegitarian and 96% vegan.    Today is chickpea curry.  I use the term curry here very lightly.  I have merely added a bit of chilli, garlic, dhana and curry powder - there are no other things thrown in to fortify this into a ligitimate curry.  Tis alright.

I'm excited and content to get back to eating healthy.  There is nothing under the sun I haven't tried or tested.

Doing this for me!  I know though, that when I reach my goal, and if there is a place where we go when we die, my uncle will be nodding and saying "knew you could do it all along.  Always had faith you would!"

To Life. To Feeling Better. To Health.

I'm baaaaaaaaaaack *in a sing songy type voice - not the creepy kind*

I can feel the tug of my consciousness.  It’s been tugging at me for a little while now but I just didn’t have the strength needed to act on it. 

My tight jeans that got lose on me are back to being tight and uncomfortable.

Yes I have put on a lot of the weight I lost.  I have to accept it and move on. I can’t keep wallowing.  Yes I have had an absolutely shit year!  God have I ever!  I have to accept it and move on.  All in all, rather put on weight from depression that taking my life.  I can still loose the weight.  If I had taken my life, well, you can’t come back from that one.

I’ve been guilting myself over putting on the weight.  I’ve been eating myself ‘happy’, and all through it, know that it won’t work.  After all the crap I’ve been through, the food was so comforting.  It was the only good / enjoyable thing I had to look forward too – and that is the truth.  I couldn’t face the day.  I was so depressed.

I know I’m not out of the woods just yet.  I’m still looking for a permanent job, but thank goodness for old contacts and my work ethic, I have survived these past months.  I can say that I am able to see the wood for the trees or visa versa – however that saying goes.

I’m in a place that I feel strong enough to act again.  Food doesn’t have to be my crutch any longer. I used that crutch but I’ve got to pull on my inner reserves.

I made a promise over a year ago, to my dying uncle, and though I have back tracked, I am determined as then to fulfill it.  *insert swearing* If only I had kept on track.

Where does this leave me…not quite back at square one, but I’ve got to summon up all that I have to get into action.  My start date is 11 July. By the 5^th of October, a year since my uncles’ death – I hope to be back at where I was before he died. 

I know weight loss should be for yourself and your own personal reasons.  I agree, to a point that is.  I’ve always been goal driven.  Meet this deadline, meet that deadline, and reach this or that target.  My goal right now is my health. At the end of every blog I always put Health Is Wealth.  And it really is.  Without your health you can be as rich as an oil sheik and it means absolutely nothing.

I am ready.  I can feel it mentally.  I can embrace this journey once again.  Yes I have plans for that very weekend that involve foodies, but my resolve is such that I will be able to take my own food and stick to the program.

Louise