Goodbye 2011

What a year 2011 has been.  It has been filled with pain, tears, trauma, death, financial loss.  It has also been filled with love, kindness, joy, happy tears, enlightenment, weightloss and self knowledge.  How I have truly grown and shrunk in so many areas of life.

Christmas was a family affair - and I enjoyed it.  I do treasure my family and the time I get with them.

I wave goodbye to 2011 - it is now firmly in the past, there is absolutely nothing I can do that will change it.  It is gone, written in stone.

My New Year's Eve was one of the quietest I have experienced in my adult years.  I was at home by myself (well at my mum's place), not totally alone, there was Esther the dog and a bottle of 2006 Merlot.  I cheered the year off in peace and quiet.  All I want for 2012 is less drama, health and peace.  It really is that simple.

The car saga is simply - overhauling the entire engine.  This will ensure that my car is in tip top shape for the next few years.  In the short term a big cash outflow but in long term - it makes good sense to do this now.

I'll be starting my new job in a few days.  I cannot say that it will be greener on the other side.  Each new place may have it's own problems, but this is what I chose.  I didn't want to fight with anyone anymore and it started gettting like that in the previous company.  I didn't want to spend another year unhappy in my job.  I still love advertising and hope to bring excellent service to my existing client base and to my new potential clients.

So with all the festivities over it is time to get my butt into gear about the weightloss programme once again.  I've been on and off these past weeks but am at the point where I want to go gunho (is that right???) again.  I do wish I could've gone gunho altogether but realistically I do enjoy my food soooo much - but I also know I did use it as a crutch again - for a bit when I went through "the dark days".  Not as much as I usually would have - something to work on.

I encourage everyone who is working on something to keep having a go.  Keep trying.  Don't throw away the hard work you have put into it.

I have done a lot of soul digging too.  A book called "A New Earth"  by Eckhart Tolle has been instrumental in understanding the ego and the awareness that pretty much sits and watches - that voice in your head.  No no I'm not scitszo - you know of what I speak.  We all have that voice - be it gut, intuition, whatever name you want to give it, it's something that knows more than our thinking mind.  We tend to be driven by the thinking mind.  Anyway what I'm trying to get at is that I have or I am learning to separate my ego and emotions from who I truly am.  I am not a sales assistant, I am not the fat girl, I am not this or that - that doesn't tell you who I am it merley tells you what I do, what I look like - it doesn't let you in.  If I've lost you - do yourself a favor and get the book and read it - I assure you - it will be life changing.  If not, that is okay too.

I was clearing out some old books yesturday and came across my uncle's class two or perhaps standard one work book.  It must have been 45 years old.  There was his hand writing in the innocence of youth, not knowing where his life would lead.  I wept a little, not because of his passing, but because I thought of that young boy with all his dreams and ambitions ahead of him. 

Follow your dreams.  If you have one thing you want to do - what would it be?  Why aren't you doing it?  I asked myself that question.  The answer to it was fear of failing, fear of that dream not being able to sustain me.  Instead of throwing that dream away, believing it to never be realised I am working towards it.  I am taking steps that will help me realise that dream.

To friends, family - near and far - love your families, love yourself, follow your dreams.
May 2012 be the year where you realise something magnificent, may it astound you and may you smile inside and out.

To 2012 and beyond.
Louise.