I sit here with a very resigned look on my face. All the way back to step 5 - I haven't put on all the weight I lost but I have put on a lot of it. Yeah I've given my head the shake of dispair, I've been down in the gutter. I have felt absolutely shit about myself.
My life has been on a spiral - down. The unhealthy spiral, the depressed spiral, the suicidal spiral. Yeah, there have been such dark days where I saw no light whatsoever.
So out of the chaos what can I do? Take back at least one aspect of control - my eating.
All the days of promising myself to get back on track have come to today. I've started and I'm already fantasising about a plate of fries! Back to 21 days of habit breaking, back to lecturing myself, man I"m a record that goes round and round.
If anything at least I know that the eating plan works! I should lose the weight I've put on in a couple of months. I know that I"ll be giving myself pep talks. I've got to get back in control. I was doing so brilliantly.
Now that my uncle has gone, I have to keep that promise I made...for me.
I start again. Here I go.
Hi Lou...
ReplyDeleteListen - I hear you on the struggle and I know how very depressed you have been. I do hope you see some light!
Have you ever considered following a high protein/low carb program? I definitely don't feel as deprived on that as I did when I was counting calories and going low fat and I am seeing great results, and whats more I feel so much better than ever before. There are some fantastic facebook support groups if you're interested?